I like to think of myself as a world renown ring leader of the most challenging and intricate circus ever to be assembled. With grace I manage to keep things in their place, to keep the bowling pins and the trapeze artist from falling. Everything appears to be a balancing act.
I can often be mistaken as maintaing this life style with ease and fairly little drama. This statement may appear prideful if you did not know that it has come at a price. I have been text book oriented from day 1. I learn quickly because I do things as they have been proven to succeed. This method has served me well in life, that is until I met Jesus.
I battle to this day to get up off my knees before the alter of Madeline. I sneak into Jesus' throne room in the middle of the night, place the crown on my head, hold his scepter, and command over the dark room, playing God. When I surrendered my life to Christ, he demanded that I give up my circus too. Ponies and all.
When it comes to making decisions I struggle to trust. When I struggle to trust, I go back to my books. I can always tell when I am worshipping myself when I find myself no longer satisfied, when I find myself worrying. Jesus promises to give me real life now and eternal life after I die. But the catch is trusting in him.
Jesus was a bit of a maverick. He was not your conventional religious teacher. The things he taught, often the way he taught them, and the people who he chose to teach all defied orthodoxy. That is exactly what I signed up for. So if Jesus says to me, "toss another bowling pin in, you can handle another!" I will trust him and toss it in. If he tells me, "let the trapeze artist fall," so be it. (I never did like that trapeze artist anyways).
