Unsatisfied.

Mark 8:34

34 Summoning the crowd along with His disciples, He said to them, “If anyone wants to be My follower, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me.

I often sit before the Lord and beg to know and be known more fully. I have a hunger to be in an infinitely intimate relationship with the Lord. I plead with my God to draw me near, to hold and to guide me. He answers every prayer, and to this, he responds with Mark 8:34. He asks 3 things of me.

First, He asks me to deny myself. I have very little practice, and very little success when it comes to this area. Diets often fail after I encounter my first cookie. What my stomach wants, my stomach gets. This indulgence of my flesh has come at the cost of an intimacy with my God.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer puts it this way: “When the flesh is satisfied it is hard to pray with cheerfulness or to devote oneself to a life of service which calls for much self-renunciation.” It is similar to every mother’s plea that her children would not fill up on a bread plate before dinner; it ruins their appetite. In the same way, when I allow for a life-style of self-indulgence, I do not aptly recognize my incredible NEED for God. In failing to recognize a need, I increase the distance between God and myself.

His second command: “take up your cross.” On the cross, Jesus demonstrated the ultimate obedience, submitting wholly to the will of the Father. Taking up one’s cross is taking up the call of Christ to come and die. In the death of self I become alive in Christ, I begin to live real life (Col 3:3), and this life begins to look more and more like Jesus’. So, in those moments of longing for Christ, often times it comes down to a place of disobedience. Bonhoeffer again comments: “There is no fulfillment of the law apart from communion with God, and no communion with God apart from fulfillment of the law. To forget the first condition was the mistake of the Jews, and to forget the second was the temptation of the disciples.” I continue to sin against a holy God, abusing his perfect law. And, Christ alone has fulfilled the law. If I desire to leave behind the unrighteousness that drives me further from God, I must find my identity in the one who alone is “good.”

This naturally brings me to Jesus’ final command: “follow me.” In order to follow, the first two commands must be obeyed first, only then am I free to walk after Jesus. When following behind someone in a car, if I decide that I know a faster way and act on it, what right do I have to complain that we have become separated? The leader sets the course, it is upon me to follow it.

Being a Christian means loving God more than I love myself. I know that an eternity with God is a treasure worth everything I have and everything I am. But sometimes I forget. I thank Jesus every time I am reminded of his incredible forgiveness and willingness